Where'd everybody go???
Yes, yes...I know...everyone has big problems right now...with the fall-out from the hurricane...getting caught-up at work AFTER the hurricane...family stuff...the cost of living going sky-high..and just "life", in general.
So...I thought I would pipe-in here and share MY day with ya'all...
WHICH...tends to run along the lines of an "I Love Lucy" skit...or "Laverne and Shirley"...except I am without an Ethyl or a Shirley. =( ...Which usually results in all the chaos of a sit-com...yet without the hi-jinx of the "buddy-factor", the canned-laughter, the adoration of a studio audience, the great wardrobe department tricking me out in super-cool stuff...or a team of make-up and hair people...or the big payola at the end of each episode in my paycheck...
NOPE! None of that...just little 'ole me wading thru the mounds of cat fur, litter boxes, cat pee and stuff MUCH WORSE than just plain 'ole "cat pee"!...Plus a veritable kaleidoscope of doggie issues.
Hell..."work" is somewhere in there....and...who has time for a boyfriend? Or the inclination???
Okay...so, "back at the ranch"...
(Gads, I desperately need a Diet Coke!...Hold on for this program interruption...gotta' go forage thru the 'fridge in the garage... ;)...
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..."Aaaahhhhhh!!!" ;o} ....Sooo GOOD!
Okay, on with the show...
Today I had to be at work ultra early...(for me! ;)...I picked up a shift with the Banquet Dept...was supposed to be there at 1pm...but it got switched to 9am.)
So...I got there around 8am...I still had to get the uniform for "Banquets"...which, BTW...is THE UGLIEST uniform EVER! ...Black slacks (my own, thank goodness)...a man's camel-colored, long-sleeved dress shirt, man's black vest, and hideous black and tan tie...WHICH, I had to re-tie about 8 times before I made it look half-way presentable.
The skinny end of the tie actually was longer than the fat end...but I was sick of trying to make it turn out right. Besides, with the vest on, no one could tell, anyway. So, I just tucked the longer, skinny end into my shirt...problem solved!
UGLY...UGLY...UGLY. I look HORRID in browns...and "camel" has got to be THE WORST. Plus, I LOOKED LIKE A BOY!!!...The shirt and vest were too big, there was too much material on the shirt to tuck nicely into my slacks, which resulted in my butt looking all lumpy...plus, I was HOT AS HELL!
YUK.
The casino property has a huge and elegant conference center on the upper-level...massive banquet rooms and monster ballrooms. It is one of THE places for wedding receptions, etc.
Well, today was the Christmas/Holiday party for one of the largest liquor companies in our area..."Glazier-Midwest". They had 2 adjoining ballrooms (with the dividing "curtain" pulled back), all decked-out in Christmas decor. Seriously, it was like Christmas Eve in there...massive Christmas trees all decorated, huge Santas and Frostys around every corner...elves....reindeer...Christmas music by the orchestra...the works!...Very, very cool!
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And, around the ballroom were all of the liquor reps which sell their products thru "Glazier".
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There are basically 3 liquor distributors in the area, that all bars HAVE to buy from...it is against the law to buy from anyone else but the distributors assigned to your sector of the state. It is ESPECIALLY illegal to buy liquor or beer from the grocery store, or liquor store, and sell it in your bar. Total NO-NO! A bar would be majorly fined, and lose its liquor license if they were caught doing that.
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There are basically 3 liquor distributors in the area, that all bars HAVE to buy from...it is against the law to buy from anyone else but the distributors assigned to your sector of the state. It is ESPECIALLY illegal to buy liquor or beer from the grocery store, or liquor store, and sell it in your bar. Total NO-NO! A bar would be majorly fined, and lose its liquor license if they were caught doing that.
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Now, you would think that it would be just the opposite...that allowing distributors to have a monopoly on an area would be the illegal part. However, that is just not the case. So, the 3 distributors in this area are: "Glazier", "Summit", and "Major Brands". And, they all carry different brands of liquor.
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For instance, Glazier carries "Jack Daniels", and none of the others do, etc., etc. Which means that the Jack Daniels people signed a contract with Glazier to represent their brand in this market.
So, when ordering the liquor and beer (there are a few beer distributors, too)...a bar has to order from ALL of the different distributors to be able to stock their club. It's kinda like having to go to 7 different grocery stores to find all of the stuff on your list. (And, that is not even taking into account the different vendors for the non-food items, and the different food vendors...That's a LOT of doing inventory and ordering!... Oy-Vey! ;)
Okay, now that you have all had your crash-course in bar-ordering, I'll continue with boring you to tears ;) ...
So, around the ballroom were all of the liquor vendors which sell their products thru "Glazier"...and there were well over 100 different vendors...all with their huge tables and displays set-up, featuring anywhere from 1 item, to 12 items at each table.
This means that each vendor had sent their reps for this market to this event to showcase their products and whatever NEW products they were coming out with. This was Glazier's party, but it was to invite all the bar-owners/ restaurant owners/ managers/ liquor stores/ grocery stores, etc. to this "trade show", to let them all sample the products, and hopefully either start ordering the new items, or get them to order MORE of what they already carried.
Also, to showcase new ways of mixing and marketing their particular products...new shots which can be made with the liquors, or specialty drinks which they liquors could be utilized for, etc., etc.
So...there were at least 1500 people attending this event, all walking around, and sampling the alcohol...and it was all FREE, FREE, FREE!
It was a lot like the BARTENDER'S BALL, where I reign as Prom Queen each year =) ...however, THIS time I was NOT in a ballgown, and was schlepping crap around like Cinderella! Grrr... What is WRONG with this picture??? ;(
Each vendor supplied their own inventory of liquors, and we had to set each table up with fruit trays, glassware, ice, sodas and juices, straws, napkins, etc.,etc. (And then, we had to constantly walk around the grand ballroom and pick up the trash and glassware...and there was TONS of it! OMG!)
Plus, these people were all drinking for FREE...so they had no compunction about just leaving their drinks "where ever", because they could just get another new fabulous concoction at the next booth.
Also, there were massive food stations set-up across the center of the ballroom...you would not believe the food! Probably something similar to the food on a cruise...
Ice sculptures of massive clam shells, filled with chilled, jumbo shrimp...appetizers galore...fresh fruit and cheeses...just mountains of gourmet edibles. A total first-class presentation.
SO...that meant that there were millions of plates and forks to collect and haul to the "back of the house"...ughhh. I have not waitressed in YEARS...and I hauled these stupid-ass, huge oval trays around today/tonite FOR HOURS! Now, I remember why my arms used to look so killer! ;) (Boy-oh-boy, are they going to be sore as hell tomorrow!) =(
The party started at 1pm...lasted until 9pm...and then we had to clean the disasterous mess up afterward, and break it all down...the tables and chairs, the linens, the skirting for the tables, the flower arrangements, the dishes and glassware, the trash, the buffet, the ice-buckets, and the liquor, etc., etc.
OMG...the "liquor"! ...Yes, the reps all brought their own liquor...hundreds of cases of it! However, whatever they did not give out to the guests, they--by law--could not take back with them.
And, also--by law--we had to throw it all away! (Since my casino did not "order"/buy it from the distributor, we are not allowed to use it, or to let it leave the property...WAAAYYY illegal.)
And there were TONS AND TONS of partial bottles and un-opened bottles that we had to dump down the sinks. We had to open the new bottles...uncork the champagne and wines, and open the liquors...and dump it all out. :O ...OMG...this was some of the major high-dollar crap, too! We dumped out thousands and thousands of dollars worth of liquor and wine tonight!...MANY thousands!
Then, we had to throw all the bottles away...you would not BELIEVE the number of bottles! We just kept filling these huge. rolling dumpsters with them...AND, they do not recycle! It was such a crime, throwing all that glass away, and not recycling it...made me sick, the waste of it all...the money, the product, all that junk in a land-fill...disgusting.
And then, we had to start setting the room up for a private party for "Monsanto" in the morning. (I am working that too...have to be there at 8am...which TOTALLY SUCKS!)
So...I finally left work around 1am (keep in mind I got there at 8am...17 miserable hours...blechhh...
Never sat down, never stopped moving, never had a break, never ate, never peed, barely had time for a quick drink of water...and it was HELL.
PLUS!...I have a nasty blister on the back of my heel! ;(
THIS IS NOT "BARTENDING"!!!! ...How did I get myself INTO this??? Ughhh...
Oh yeah...we did not make tips...it was a straight hourly rate...and I will not see that until my next pay-period...in 2 weeks...AFTER TAXES. (Yay-me.) ;(
So...I finally limped my blistered, tired, grungy hiney out of there around 1am...having sweated my ass off in that ugly shirt, and looking like something the cat puked-up...the curl long ago having fallen out of my pony-tail, and mascara smudges further enhancing the shadows under my eyes. (Which...on ghastly-white skin, is not the best look.)
Oh, yeah...I nearly sliced OFF my finger in the fruit slicer many hours before...bled profusely...(and hurt an INSANE amount...with all that lime juice pouring into the wound!)...Yet, I could not get a band-aid...because I would have to go to "First Aid" for that...and "First Aid" would have to call "Security...since I had "hurt myself" on property...there would be a big-ass report to fill out...and THEN, I would have to take a drug test, to prove that I was not drunk or strung-out when I nearly sliced my finger off.
I don't even drink, smoke, or do drugs!
So, since I did not have the time to go thru all that crap, I just wrapped napkins around my mangled finger, and rubber-banded them on. (We are not even ALLOWED to have band-aids in our possession. Like, I could not bring one from home and keep it in my work bag, or pocket...for "just in case". Is that majorly jacked-up, or what???)
Okay, so I limped my bedraggled self out of there...realized I had lost my phone on the way out...possibly in the employee bathroom when I stopped by the time-clock, to wash my hands and FINALLY pee!
So, back I went...and... NO PHONE!
I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off for about 15 minutes, trying to re-trace my steps...and FINALLY went BACK into the bathroom (after having been in there 3 times already)...and shouted out to, what I thought was an empty room: "Anybody in here find a phone???!!!"
I never actually expected someone to ANSWER!
When, from one of the many stalls, this disembodied voice calls out: "What's it look like?"
OMG!?
"It's PINK!" ...(LOL!...What else? ;)
She replied, "It's at Security...someone already turned it in!"
Holy-smokes! How totally COOL!!! =)
So, I ran back to the Security base, (at the employee elevator, which we ALL have to use to get on-property) and, right there, propped-up in the window, looking forlornly at me as I raced up to the glass, was my little PINK Razer! Woo-Hoo!!!
Thank God!
Okay, so back on the elevator...and to the employee parking level...and headed home!
'Er...actually...had to make a quick stop at Wal-Mart for a few things...I was TOTALLY out of Diet Coke and V-8! :O
I finally got home about 1:45am...
Had to feed ALL of the animals...and they were STARVED! Fed all the cats their canned food (they always have dry food...but only get canned at night, after I get home from work.) The dogs have dry food at all times in their bowl...yet Maya is the only one who ever really eats it. My Lhasas will only eat dry food once in a while...and just a few nibbles...and ONLY if I am right there.
They get their canned food a couple times a day...they will only eat small portions...so they need to eat twice a day...especially Truffle.
Well, Truffle is the only one who will actually eat without being hand-fed...although, he has to have his food cut up into little bite-sized pieces, and spread out on a small towel...plates or bowls scare him....and having the pieces of food touch each other freak him out too...it is too hard for him to eat it, if it is all in a pile.
And...Skittle and Beuford have to be hand-fed...piece-by-freaking-piece. LOL! That's okay though...it is part of my bonding time with my babies. =) ...Seriously...they will NOT eat, unless I hand-feed them...I am not kidding...DAYS would go by, and they still would not eat anything! I cannot afford more vet bills for sick dogs...I NEED them to eat healthily.
Okay...so, I fed the cats and the dogs...and then the dogs have to IMMEDIATELY go outside...their little digestive tracts spring into action right-quick...and once they eat anything...it is time to "go"...like, NOW.
(Okay...they "went"...and came back in.)
I failed to mention that when I got home, the smell of my precious little baby-girl, Skittle, was enough to (as my mommy says): "GAG A MAGGOT!" :O...Ughhh...SOOO GROSS! ;(
Yep...one night with Boomer "monitoring" them, and she apparently quite merrily rolled around in what was probably the equivalent to a putrid, decaying dinosaur! Or...maybe just some rabbit guts (damn Maya, out there killing bunnies again!)...it was definitely blood and gore and the worst smell on the planet! No wonder Vultures can smell that crap from miles and miles away! YUK!
Okay, so then after Skittle went outside and pottied, I had to park her little stinky butt in my bathroom, while I rounded-up the Oatmeal Doggie Shampoo (with "long lasting Vanilla scent"! ...Or so the label said. I beg to differ on that! Yeek.)...plus several towels, the doggie brush, and my hairdryer.
Bath-time was NOT fun...especially at 2:30 am...on my knees, bent over the edge of my tub, and getting drenched, as my stinky little baby looked at me like I was torturing her! The poor little, itty-bitty, drowned rat, that she was!
Plus, my back is KILLING me...and all that leaning over the tub was grueling. ;(
Okay...I THOROUGHLY cleaned her...and then "RINSED AND REPEATED!...And then Rinsed again!"
I towel-dried her off, numerous times...in between all of the bouts of shaking from nose to tail...and spraying millions of little droplets of water all over me. I brushed her out, cleaned out her ears, made sure the water was all out of her ears (ear infections are so NASTY!), trimmed a few mats out of her ears, cleaned her eyes out, trimmed the hair away from her eyes, used a little "wipie" to make sure her little hiney was "Sanitized"!...and then commenced with the blow-drying.
And after all that...YEP...she still smelled! Not NEARLY as bad as before...but definitely NOT like "Vanilla"!
I washed off her little pink leather collar with the little pink rhinestones and little pink heart-shaped tag (what else did you expect? ;) ...with Clorox Bathroom cleaner...for it smelled vile, as well. It no longer smells, but the bleach turned her little pink rhinestones all cloudy...drats! =(
Once that was all done, I opened my bathroom door, and she sprinted out of there like her tail was on fire!...And then there was a whole lot more shaking from nose to butt (HER...not me! ;)...Beuford was hot on her tail, with his nose up her butt, giving her the once-over...while Truffle was hiding under my coffee table, desperately trying to look as "clean", and smell as "non-Vulture worthy" as he could! LOL! ;)
I then had to wash out my tub with spray-bleach, change into my sweats, brush my teeth, wash my face, and then...
...totally STRIP my bed...for she had "funkified" the sheets, covers, and pillows! I tossed those into the washer and had to rummage around for more sheets and covers, and re-make it all...as the dogs kept hopping up there under the sheets, like it was all a game...they do that EVERY time! LOL! ;)
TIME CHECK: 3:20am.
I FINALLY headed downstairs to the kitchen, to relax for a few minutes with a much-earned Diet Coke... and maybe check my email and MySpace.
I plunked down at the kitchen counter, fired-up Boom's lap-top, and barely had time to enter my password, when "Cookie Monster" (my 20+ pound, domestic-long-haired, 5-year old, totally rambunctious cat...but probably the smartest, too), sprinted down the steps to see what I was up to...
He vaulted up onto the counter, slid behind the lap-top, and finally skidded to a stop right before he ended up in my lap.
And...THAT is when I SMELLED "IT"!!! :O
OMG!!!!!
And I thought that SKITTLE had smelled bad! Blechhh!!!
The smell rapidly slammed up my nostrils, wreaking havoc and destruction upon my olfactory senses...as it quickly spread up into my eyeballs...effectively making them bleed. YUK!
Allrightey then!
I squinched my nose and eyes...hoping that maybe if I exposed less of my actual eyeballs, and less of the insides of my nose, to what was assaulting it, maybe it would not smell as bad...no such luck.
Okay...I lifted his ENORMOUS tail, and dreadfully checked-out what I was dealing with.
Uh...apparently...the Apocalypse. ;(
That cat has LOOOONNNGGGG fur...and there was an ABUNDANCE of what I can only term as: CAT POOP!...Smeared all over hell and back...
Welcome to my world. ;)
I desperately wanted my mommy!
I knew that it would require several calf-ropers, a team of groomers with gas masks, and a few sedatives (for ME, and for HIM)...to effectively deal with that disaster. There was NO WAY in hell that cat was going to hold still and let me deal with that.
However, what was I going to do, huh? I could not just LEAVE him like that.
So, I grabbed the scissors and paper towels, and wrestled him to the kitchen floor. Not an easy feat, since I knew that I would not be able to actually GET UP again.
So, I was able to cut some of it out, before he shredded me from stem to stern with those lethal back claws of his. And, he is about as strong and agile as a kangaroo...so, even though I valiantly fought "the good fight"...my 9 good fingers eventually went down in flames. He had just about completely severed my already sliced finger... yay me.
As I attempted to haul my ass back up off the kitchen floor, I was seriously considering just STAYING there...and maybe sleeping on the throw-rug in front of the dishwasher. However, I still had to flush what I WAS able to manage to remove from his butt...the smell was certainly NEVER going to allow me to sleep!...
AND...as Cookie Monster streaked off thru the dining room, in full-shriek, like the Hounds of Hell were after him...they kinda WERE. Of course, when the rest of the fur-balls heard the ruckus, they had to investigate...and when that cat hauled-ass outta' there, it was like an engraved invitation to be CHASED. And my group...they never fail to respond.
Usually not a big deal...however, with Truffle, he is SERIOUS about the chase, and he goes full-on tackle/attack when he finally catches the "runner". So, I had to jump my decrepit ass up off the floor, and race off after them all, to prevent kitty-carnage. Like I said...I CANNOT afford another huge vet bill.
PLUS...I did NOT want to wake up Boomer! That would not have been pretty.
Okay, I finally caught the little (huge) sucker...and tossed him into his bedroom. He was not going to be infecting the entire house. I already had to spray-bleach off the counters, floor, and scissors...not to mention my HANDS!
TIME CHECK: 3:25am.
So, at that point I knew that I had to call my vet/groomer at 7am when they open, to BEG them to take Cookie and his sister "Twinkie" tomorrow, to groom them. (I have them shaved a couple times a year...and I really should have done this by now...totally my fault.)
However, my vet has to sedate them for the groomer to be able to groom them...and they have to do blood-work on the cats if they are going to sedate...and they have to be current on their shots, too...which are due this month...SOOO...to get all the shots for both cats, do blood-work, sedate and groom...that's about $600...at least.
Yep...sucks...however, it is the price I pay to have pets...ESPECIALLY long-haired ones!
(Oh, yeah...as kittens and puppies, they are so adorable, with their fluffly hair...but much more of a hassle when they are older.)
However...I adore them all...and they come first...so, it is off to the vet tomorrow...and then, immediately to work, to slave away at yet another awful party...in the world's most hideously ugly outfit, once again looking like a boy...for no tips...picking up trash and dirty dishes...with my monster blister...and 9 fingers...and swollen and arthritic knees...and pasty white skin...
...Good times. =)
Okay...so...I finally checked my email and MySpace...and NO ONE has said one damn thing! ALL DAY today...and NIGHT, too!
I go thru all that for NOTHING?!?! Sheesh.
Then, I start typing this...what was supposed to be a relatively brief missive...(yeah...right...since when have I ever written anything "BRIEF"???)...When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a Cookie Monster, vaulting back onto the counter???
Yes, the little shit is so tall and strong...and SMART as hell!...That, unless I lock his bedroom door, he can stand up and hit the levered-door knob, and open the damn door!
I thought I had locked the door, but apparently not...or he has finally learned to unlock it, too! LOL! ;)
Back into his room he goes...and back to my email I go.
And I type like half of this message...and "save" as I go...when suddenly I lose it! I check in my "drafts" folder...praying that it is still there...and, yes, it is...however, about a THIRD of it did not make the "save". Crap!
Yes, I re-typed it all...and now, it is so freaking LONG, that I am toying with the idea of pasting it to my blog...which I may yet do...
Although, I still feel like torturing you all by sending it off via email!
However...I also realize that none of you are actually still READING this... I am sure I lost you all at: "CAT POOP"! ;)
TIME CHECK: 5 am.
Nope...there will be no sleep tonight. For some reason, I apparently still think I am
22, or something...and can just "go, go, go!"...which I have done for YEARS! Now, it is catching up to my broken-down ass...
Again..."yay me".
Okay...I am going to hit "SEND" here...and hope I do not manage to totally crash Yahoo-mail with it.
Then, I am going to mix up a Molotov Cocktail of Glucosamine and Chondroiton to hopefully help lube my creaky joints...slap on the ICY HOT, and then slowly crawl back up the steps, to get in the shower for work again.
Weeeee....!!!
Tune in tomorrow for more inane blithering...I know you are just dying to find out how that whole "groomer"-thing goes!
Oh yeah...that's right...you are not even still READING this, anymore!
For instance, Glazier carries "Jack Daniels", and none of the others do, etc., etc. Which means that the Jack Daniels people signed a contract with Glazier to represent their brand in this market.
So, when ordering the liquor and beer (there are a few beer distributors, too)...a bar has to order from ALL of the different distributors to be able to stock their club. It's kinda like having to go to 7 different grocery stores to find all of the stuff on your list. (And, that is not even taking into account the different vendors for the non-food items, and the different food vendors...That's a LOT of doing inventory and ordering!... Oy-Vey! ;)
Okay, now that you have all had your crash-course in bar-ordering, I'll continue with boring you to tears ;) ...
So, around the ballroom were all of the liquor vendors which sell their products thru "Glazier"...and there were well over 100 different vendors...all with their huge tables and displays set-up, featuring anywhere from 1 item, to 12 items at each table.
This means that each vendor had sent their reps for this market to this event to showcase their products and whatever NEW products they were coming out with. This was Glazier's party, but it was to invite all the bar-owners/ restaurant owners/ managers/ liquor stores/ grocery stores, etc. to this "trade show", to let them all sample the products, and hopefully either start ordering the new items, or get them to order MORE of what they already carried.
Also, to showcase new ways of mixing and marketing their particular products...new shots which can be made with the liquors, or specialty drinks which they liquors could be utilized for, etc., etc.
So...there were at least 1500 people attending this event, all walking around, and sampling the alcohol...and it was all FREE, FREE, FREE!
It was a lot like the BARTENDER'S BALL, where I reign as Prom Queen each year =) ...however, THIS time I was NOT in a ballgown, and was schlepping crap around like Cinderella! Grrr... What is WRONG with this picture??? ;(
Each vendor supplied their own inventory of liquors, and we had to set each table up with fruit trays, glassware, ice, sodas and juices, straws, napkins, etc.,etc. (And then, we had to constantly walk around the grand ballroom and pick up the trash and glassware...and there was TONS of it! OMG!)
Plus, these people were all drinking for FREE...so they had no compunction about just leaving their drinks "where ever", because they could just get another new fabulous concoction at the next booth.
Also, there were massive food stations set-up across the center of the ballroom...you would not believe the food! Probably something similar to the food on a cruise...
Ice sculptures of massive clam shells, filled with chilled, jumbo shrimp...appetizers galore...fresh fruit and cheeses...just mountains of gourmet edibles. A total first-class presentation.
SO...that meant that there were millions of plates and forks to collect and haul to the "back of the house"...ughhh. I have not waitressed in YEARS...and I hauled these stupid-ass, huge oval trays around today/tonite FOR HOURS! Now, I remember why my arms used to look so killer! ;) (Boy-oh-boy, are they going to be sore as hell tomorrow!) =(
The party started at 1pm...lasted until 9pm...and then we had to clean the disasterous mess up afterward, and break it all down...the tables and chairs, the linens, the skirting for the tables, the flower arrangements, the dishes and glassware, the trash, the buffet, the ice-buckets, and the liquor, etc., etc.
OMG...the "liquor"! ...Yes, the reps all brought their own liquor...hundreds of cases of it! However, whatever they did not give out to the guests, they--by law--could not take back with them.
And, also--by law--we had to throw it all away! (Since my casino did not "order"/buy it from the distributor, we are not allowed to use it, or to let it leave the property...WAAAYYY illegal.)
And there were TONS AND TONS of partial bottles and un-opened bottles that we had to dump down the sinks. We had to open the new bottles...uncork the champagne and wines, and open the liquors...and dump it all out. :O ...OMG...this was some of the major high-dollar crap, too! We dumped out thousands and thousands of dollars worth of liquor and wine tonight!...MANY thousands!
Then, we had to throw all the bottles away...you would not BELIEVE the number of bottles! We just kept filling these huge. rolling dumpsters with them...AND, they do not recycle! It was such a crime, throwing all that glass away, and not recycling it...made me sick, the waste of it all...the money, the product, all that junk in a land-fill...disgusting.
And then, we had to start setting the room up for a private party for "Monsanto" in the morning. (I am working that too...have to be there at 8am...which TOTALLY SUCKS!)
So...I finally left work around 1am (keep in mind I got there at 8am...17 miserable hours...blechhh...
Never sat down, never stopped moving, never had a break, never ate, never peed, barely had time for a quick drink of water...and it was HELL.
PLUS!...I have a nasty blister on the back of my heel! ;(
THIS IS NOT "BARTENDING"!!!! ...How did I get myself INTO this??? Ughhh...
Oh yeah...we did not make tips...it was a straight hourly rate...and I will not see that until my next pay-period...in 2 weeks...AFTER TAXES. (Yay-me.) ;(
So...I finally limped my blistered, tired, grungy hiney out of there around 1am...having sweated my ass off in that ugly shirt, and looking like something the cat puked-up...the curl long ago having fallen out of my pony-tail, and mascara smudges further enhancing the shadows under my eyes. (Which...on ghastly-white skin, is not the best look.)
Oh, yeah...I nearly sliced OFF my finger in the fruit slicer many hours before...bled profusely...(and hurt an INSANE amount...with all that lime juice pouring into the wound!)...Yet, I could not get a band-aid...because I would have to go to "First Aid" for that...and "First Aid" would have to call "Security...since I had "hurt myself" on property...there would be a big-ass report to fill out...and THEN, I would have to take a drug test, to prove that I was not drunk or strung-out when I nearly sliced my finger off.
I don't even drink, smoke, or do drugs!
So, since I did not have the time to go thru all that crap, I just wrapped napkins around my mangled finger, and rubber-banded them on. (We are not even ALLOWED to have band-aids in our possession. Like, I could not bring one from home and keep it in my work bag, or pocket...for "just in case". Is that majorly jacked-up, or what???)
Okay, so I limped my bedraggled self out of there...realized I had lost my phone on the way out...possibly in the employee bathroom when I stopped by the time-clock, to wash my hands and FINALLY pee!
So, back I went...and... NO PHONE!
I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off for about 15 minutes, trying to re-trace my steps...and FINALLY went BACK into the bathroom (after having been in there 3 times already)...and shouted out to, what I thought was an empty room: "Anybody in here find a phone???!!!"
I never actually expected someone to ANSWER!
When, from one of the many stalls, this disembodied voice calls out: "What's it look like?"
OMG!?
"It's PINK!" ...(LOL!...What else? ;)
She replied, "It's at Security...someone already turned it in!"
Holy-smokes! How totally COOL!!! =)
So, I ran back to the Security base, (at the employee elevator, which we ALL have to use to get on-property) and, right there, propped-up in the window, looking forlornly at me as I raced up to the glass, was my little PINK Razer! Woo-Hoo!!!
Thank God!
Okay, so back on the elevator...and to the employee parking level...and headed home!
'Er...actually...had to make a quick stop at Wal-Mart for a few things...I was TOTALLY out of Diet Coke and V-8! :O
I finally got home about 1:45am...
Had to feed ALL of the animals...and they were STARVED! Fed all the cats their canned food (they always have dry food...but only get canned at night, after I get home from work.) The dogs have dry food at all times in their bowl...yet Maya is the only one who ever really eats it. My Lhasas will only eat dry food once in a while...and just a few nibbles...and ONLY if I am right there.
They get their canned food a couple times a day...they will only eat small portions...so they need to eat twice a day...especially Truffle.
Well, Truffle is the only one who will actually eat without being hand-fed...although, he has to have his food cut up into little bite-sized pieces, and spread out on a small towel...plates or bowls scare him....and having the pieces of food touch each other freak him out too...it is too hard for him to eat it, if it is all in a pile.
And...Skittle and Beuford have to be hand-fed...piece-by-freaking-piece. LOL! That's okay though...it is part of my bonding time with my babies. =) ...Seriously...they will NOT eat, unless I hand-feed them...I am not kidding...DAYS would go by, and they still would not eat anything! I cannot afford more vet bills for sick dogs...I NEED them to eat healthily.
Okay...so, I fed the cats and the dogs...and then the dogs have to IMMEDIATELY go outside...their little digestive tracts spring into action right-quick...and once they eat anything...it is time to "go"...like, NOW.
(Okay...they "went"...and came back in.)
I failed to mention that when I got home, the smell of my precious little baby-girl, Skittle, was enough to (as my mommy says): "GAG A MAGGOT!" :O...Ughhh...SOOO GROSS! ;(
Yep...one night with Boomer "monitoring" them, and she apparently quite merrily rolled around in what was probably the equivalent to a putrid, decaying dinosaur! Or...maybe just some rabbit guts (damn Maya, out there killing bunnies again!)...it was definitely blood and gore and the worst smell on the planet! No wonder Vultures can smell that crap from miles and miles away! YUK!
Okay, so then after Skittle went outside and pottied, I had to park her little stinky butt in my bathroom, while I rounded-up the Oatmeal Doggie Shampoo (with "long lasting Vanilla scent"! ...Or so the label said. I beg to differ on that! Yeek.)...plus several towels, the doggie brush, and my hairdryer.
Bath-time was NOT fun...especially at 2:30 am...on my knees, bent over the edge of my tub, and getting drenched, as my stinky little baby looked at me like I was torturing her! The poor little, itty-bitty, drowned rat, that she was!
Plus, my back is KILLING me...and all that leaning over the tub was grueling. ;(
Okay...I THOROUGHLY cleaned her...and then "RINSED AND REPEATED!...And then Rinsed again!"
I towel-dried her off, numerous times...in between all of the bouts of shaking from nose to tail...and spraying millions of little droplets of water all over me. I brushed her out, cleaned out her ears, made sure the water was all out of her ears (ear infections are so NASTY!), trimmed a few mats out of her ears, cleaned her eyes out, trimmed the hair away from her eyes, used a little "wipie" to make sure her little hiney was "Sanitized"!...and then commenced with the blow-drying.
And after all that...YEP...she still smelled! Not NEARLY as bad as before...but definitely NOT like "Vanilla"!
I washed off her little pink leather collar with the little pink rhinestones and little pink heart-shaped tag (what else did you expect? ;) ...with Clorox Bathroom cleaner...for it smelled vile, as well. It no longer smells, but the bleach turned her little pink rhinestones all cloudy...drats! =(
Once that was all done, I opened my bathroom door, and she sprinted out of there like her tail was on fire!...And then there was a whole lot more shaking from nose to butt (HER...not me! ;)...Beuford was hot on her tail, with his nose up her butt, giving her the once-over...while Truffle was hiding under my coffee table, desperately trying to look as "clean", and smell as "non-Vulture worthy" as he could! LOL! ;)
I then had to wash out my tub with spray-bleach, change into my sweats, brush my teeth, wash my face, and then...
...totally STRIP my bed...for she had "funkified" the sheets, covers, and pillows! I tossed those into the washer and had to rummage around for more sheets and covers, and re-make it all...as the dogs kept hopping up there under the sheets, like it was all a game...they do that EVERY time! LOL! ;)
TIME CHECK: 3:20am.
I FINALLY headed downstairs to the kitchen, to relax for a few minutes with a much-earned Diet Coke... and maybe check my email and MySpace.
I plunked down at the kitchen counter, fired-up Boom's lap-top, and barely had time to enter my password, when "Cookie Monster" (my 20+ pound, domestic-long-haired, 5-year old, totally rambunctious cat...but probably the smartest, too), sprinted down the steps to see what I was up to...
He vaulted up onto the counter, slid behind the lap-top, and finally skidded to a stop right before he ended up in my lap.
And...THAT is when I SMELLED "IT"!!! :O
OMG!!!!!
And I thought that SKITTLE had smelled bad! Blechhh!!!
The smell rapidly slammed up my nostrils, wreaking havoc and destruction upon my olfactory senses...as it quickly spread up into my eyeballs...effectively making them bleed. YUK!
Allrightey then!
I squinched my nose and eyes...hoping that maybe if I exposed less of my actual eyeballs, and less of the insides of my nose, to what was assaulting it, maybe it would not smell as bad...no such luck.
Okay...I lifted his ENORMOUS tail, and dreadfully checked-out what I was dealing with.
Uh...apparently...the Apocalypse. ;(
That cat has LOOOONNNGGGG fur...and there was an ABUNDANCE of what I can only term as: CAT POOP!...Smeared all over hell and back...
Welcome to my world. ;)
I desperately wanted my mommy!
I knew that it would require several calf-ropers, a team of groomers with gas masks, and a few sedatives (for ME, and for HIM)...to effectively deal with that disaster. There was NO WAY in hell that cat was going to hold still and let me deal with that.
However, what was I going to do, huh? I could not just LEAVE him like that.
So, I grabbed the scissors and paper towels, and wrestled him to the kitchen floor. Not an easy feat, since I knew that I would not be able to actually GET UP again.
So, I was able to cut some of it out, before he shredded me from stem to stern with those lethal back claws of his. And, he is about as strong and agile as a kangaroo...so, even though I valiantly fought "the good fight"...my 9 good fingers eventually went down in flames. He had just about completely severed my already sliced finger... yay me.
As I attempted to haul my ass back up off the kitchen floor, I was seriously considering just STAYING there...and maybe sleeping on the throw-rug in front of the dishwasher. However, I still had to flush what I WAS able to manage to remove from his butt...the smell was certainly NEVER going to allow me to sleep!...
AND...as Cookie Monster streaked off thru the dining room, in full-shriek, like the Hounds of Hell were after him...they kinda WERE. Of course, when the rest of the fur-balls heard the ruckus, they had to investigate...and when that cat hauled-ass outta' there, it was like an engraved invitation to be CHASED. And my group...they never fail to respond.
Usually not a big deal...however, with Truffle, he is SERIOUS about the chase, and he goes full-on tackle/attack when he finally catches the "runner". So, I had to jump my decrepit ass up off the floor, and race off after them all, to prevent kitty-carnage. Like I said...I CANNOT afford another huge vet bill.
PLUS...I did NOT want to wake up Boomer! That would not have been pretty.
Okay, I finally caught the little (huge) sucker...and tossed him into his bedroom. He was not going to be infecting the entire house. I already had to spray-bleach off the counters, floor, and scissors...not to mention my HANDS!
TIME CHECK: 3:25am.
So, at that point I knew that I had to call my vet/groomer at 7am when they open, to BEG them to take Cookie and his sister "Twinkie" tomorrow, to groom them. (I have them shaved a couple times a year...and I really should have done this by now...totally my fault.)
However, my vet has to sedate them for the groomer to be able to groom them...and they have to do blood-work on the cats if they are going to sedate...and they have to be current on their shots, too...which are due this month...SOOO...to get all the shots for both cats, do blood-work, sedate and groom...that's about $600...at least.
Yep...sucks...however, it is the price I pay to have pets...ESPECIALLY long-haired ones!
(Oh, yeah...as kittens and puppies, they are so adorable, with their fluffly hair...but much more of a hassle when they are older.)
However...I adore them all...and they come first...so, it is off to the vet tomorrow...and then, immediately to work, to slave away at yet another awful party...in the world's most hideously ugly outfit, once again looking like a boy...for no tips...picking up trash and dirty dishes...with my monster blister...and 9 fingers...and swollen and arthritic knees...and pasty white skin...
...Good times. =)
Okay...so...I finally checked my email and MySpace...and NO ONE has said one damn thing! ALL DAY today...and NIGHT, too!
I go thru all that for NOTHING?!?! Sheesh.
Then, I start typing this...what was supposed to be a relatively brief missive...(yeah...right...since when have I ever written anything "BRIEF"???)...When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a Cookie Monster, vaulting back onto the counter???
Yes, the little shit is so tall and strong...and SMART as hell!...That, unless I lock his bedroom door, he can stand up and hit the levered-door knob, and open the damn door!
I thought I had locked the door, but apparently not...or he has finally learned to unlock it, too! LOL! ;)
Back into his room he goes...and back to my email I go.
And I type like half of this message...and "save" as I go...when suddenly I lose it! I check in my "drafts" folder...praying that it is still there...and, yes, it is...however, about a THIRD of it did not make the "save". Crap!
Yes, I re-typed it all...and now, it is so freaking LONG, that I am toying with the idea of pasting it to my blog...which I may yet do...
Although, I still feel like torturing you all by sending it off via email!
However...I also realize that none of you are actually still READING this... I am sure I lost you all at: "CAT POOP"! ;)
TIME CHECK: 5 am.
Nope...there will be no sleep tonight. For some reason, I apparently still think I am
22, or something...and can just "go, go, go!"...which I have done for YEARS! Now, it is catching up to my broken-down ass...
Again..."yay me".
Okay...I am going to hit "SEND" here...and hope I do not manage to totally crash Yahoo-mail with it.
Then, I am going to mix up a Molotov Cocktail of Glucosamine and Chondroiton to hopefully help lube my creaky joints...slap on the ICY HOT, and then slowly crawl back up the steps, to get in the shower for work again.
Weeeee....!!!
Tune in tomorrow for more inane blithering...I know you are just dying to find out how that whole "groomer"-thing goes!
Oh yeah...that's right...you are not even still READING this, anymore!
*UPDATE: Well, I have wasted even more time, pasting this to my blog, and then tooling around on Photobucket, in search of cutesy little pics to add to it. Plus, there was even more proof-reading...and several glaring errors to be fixed...(I hope I caught them all! ;)
Time check: 6am.
Yep...I have totally lost it! ;)
XO!
=)
1 comment:
I don't know how, amongst all going on you managed to write so much. :) I bet you type faster than me.
Loquacious as ever. :)
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