"I Hate Myself For Loving You!" ... ;)

I am restless and reckless...

...after the implosion of my little universe yesterday, today I face the world with a new insight, anger, drive, determination, and expectancy......and anticipation of the unknown...it all changes for me now......it is terrifying as well as exciting.

I have been thru this before...I have closed every damn nightclub I have ever worked at...because I do not quit...I hang on till the bloody end...and Riverside was just the most recent on the list in the past 13 years.

My first nightclub, the one which corrupted me into the crazy, wonderful, awful, deranged world of the night, was "BAJA BEACH CLUB"...and we were a national chain.

I worked at the 2 in St. Louis, opened the club in Myrtle Beach, and went on to work with and travel with a couple other nightclub chains.

Truly one of the best times of my life. Hell, I was in my early 20's, lived at home, still in college, no bills, no strings, no attachments, (other than my animals!)...and had the glittery and exciting nightlife at my fingertips...a heady-ass feeling!

I began working @ BAJA when I managed to convince Dad to sign for my new PINK! Mustang...my Supra was falling-apart, and one day I drove past the Ford dealership, saw MY pink car rotating high up on a turning display stand...

...the Heavens opened-up and the Angels sang! ...Damn!

My throat went dry, as I realized that car was MEANT to be mine!

One month later I tooled-off the lot with the top down, leaving Dad shaking his head, wondering how on earth I convinced him to sign for it, when I was supposed to make the payments and insurance, and did not even have a job!

Well, one week later I started cocktailing @ the hottest, newest, most amazing club in town, and started making fast-cash.

Dad was RELIEVED!

I had never really even gone to a bar before that, did NOT know how to drink, and was a total rookie at "ordering etiquette" with the annoyed bartenders.

HOWEVER! I learned quick! I was fast, bright, and did not screw-around at work.

Soon, the bartenders accepted me as part of their extremely crazy family!

There were 5 different bars in the building, with 2- 5 bartenders behind each bar; 11 beer tubs with chicks in bikinis behind them, 6 cocktail waitresses, a door staff of HUGE, body-builder "Life-Guards" (beach theme, don'tcha know!) ...3 managers, and 2 impressive DJs.

The main theme at BAJA was the Island Party! And, the corporation only hired the most dynamic...we threw the biggest and best party in town!

It was part of our job to do "Group Dynamics" on the bar every hour, with the entire staff stopping to get on the bar-tops, the tops of the beer-tubs, and the stage, to perform choreographed routines and dances...and they were phenomenal!

Think: "Coyote Ugly"...only waaay before that place was even invented, and sooo much more dynamically done!

Also, after 9pm, select staff members were scheduled to perform "personal dynamics" on-stage every hour...at the bottom of the hour.

We would have "Dynamics Parties" every few months, on Mondays, when we were closed...perform our newly made-up Dynamics for each other...drinking and eating for free, and having a contest for major cash prizes, to see who had the BEST!

The winners were then the ones who performed in the club.

Well, after a couple months there, and at my first Dynamics party, I WON!!!

NO ONE could believe that I had come out of my shell, taken down my pony-tail and taken off my retro, black and rhinestone, cat-eye glasses (which I ALWAYS WORE both!...ALWAYS!)

When it was time for me to perform on-stage, I had gotten ready in the bathroom...so no one saw me.

When I got up onto the darkened-stage, and the lights went up for the first time, as I started to sing and strut in my skin-tight leathers and skimpy black, lacy bra and high-heeled boots...totally rockin' the big hair, and no glasses...OMG! They all FREAKED!

One of the bartenders had actually thought they had hired a new girl! No one could BELIEVE that was shy little me! LOL!

And the song???...

JOAN JETT-- "I Hate Myself For Loving You!" ;)

TOTALLY KILLER! ;)

I rocked their socks off that night and won the big-prize! Wooo-Hooo! What a complete and total RUSH! :O

I performed my dynamic on-stage that next Wednesday (Ladies Nite)...and that weekend...and on after that. It was a huge crowd-pleaser!

There were later more parties and more dynamics...and more fun than I can ever remember having in my life.

Then I began traveling with the company, bartending and managing...and having the time-of-my-life!

That club...more than ANY OTHER I have ever worked at, was my "home".

The staff was phenomenal; we were thick-as-thieves. I totally changed after working there...came out of my shell, and blossomed! LOL! I became as evil as the rest of them! ;)

OMG...I was GREEN when I started!

Our manager, Bob Karliner, was the BEST man I have ever know in my life, outside of my dad and grandfathers...he was a true mentor to me...an exemplary human in all regards...and I learned most of what I know about the nightclub business from him.

When he moved on to a new location, I went where he went...and he NEVER betrayed me like my most recent boss has.

Bob was like a father to me, and his family like my own...his entire staff adored him, and respected him above all. He earned it...he was amazing.

When I married in 2000, he flew back to speak at my wedding...and most of our past BAJA family attended as well. Ours is a bond that has always been honored among that staff...and we will continue to support each other, no matter the distance.

So now, in-honor of the club which veered my life in a totally unexpected direction, the people who worked there...

...all of the customers I have befriended over the years, the man who NEVER, EVER treated me with nothing but complete HONOR, FRIENDSHIP, AND GENUINE HUMAN COMPASSION...my former boss, and life-time friend, Bob, and the song which allowed me to "find my wings and fly!"...

...I dedicate that song!"I Hate Myself For Loving You!"

I do not dedicate it a "bad" way...but as a tribute to the inner-strength I draw from it. ;)

That song has always made me sing at the top of my lungs in my car and the shower...and has never ceased to evoke feelings of joy and TRIUMPH!

Strength which I now will utilize as I start this new, unknown, and exciting phase of my life!... ;)

OH! ALSO!!!..

I dedicate it to my former boss and bar which he just sold! ...

...For it was a place which I *SHOULD* have left YEARS ago!

I was an idiot to stay...to waste 5 years of my life on a losing venture, just because I had misplaced feelings of loyalty, and unreciprocated feelings of honor and family.

That man was NOT Bob, and that bar was NOT "BAJA BEACH CLUB".

I was blind to treat it as if it were.

*CHEERS!*...

~~XOXO!!!~~