I just found out that a good friend has died of a heart-attack, and my insides are twisted and shaking so badly, that I do not know what else to do...but WRITE.
No one will probably ever read this who even KNEW this man...and it is a shame that he will never be able to read my thoughts and feelings about him...but I have this burning need, simply DRIVING me to "put this out there"...to put what I am feeling at this moment out into the universe...to float up into the stars and dissipate...and maybe it will yet be able to touch the essence of the man that was such a special part of my life.
His name was Ron.
I met Ron at the bar I work at. It is a relatively small "Cheers"-type of bar...where "everyone DOES know your name." Ron was one of the customers who gently morphed into being such a special friend to everyone around him.
Most of the clientele are "regulars" who have been going to that bar for many of the 18 years it has been in business. Over this time, the regulars have gotten to know each other, as well as the staff...and we have developed a special kind of "family unit".
Let's face it...for the most part, people who hang-out in bars tend to do so for their own various, private reasons. However, it all basically boils-down to one thing: we are all simply lonely souls searching for others for human companionship, friendship, and fellowship.
No matter what kinds of problems that we all have, and whatever demons that haunt us (and from which we run)...those few hours each weekend-night brings us all together to enjoy a good band, share a drink or a shot with, and trade yet a few more snippets of our lives with each other.
So, after years spent together, years of sharing a shot or two, and years of sharing those snippets--which we either have to shout into each other's ears while the band is thumping-away, or we quickly trade anecdotes before the band tunes-up for another song--after years of all of this, we have thus all developed a tightly-knit bond of friendship...and of family.
Ron was a very kind, genuine soul. He was in his late 40's-mid 50's...who really know for sure? Exactly HOW old he was never seemed important...although what WAS important was the fact that we ALWAYS exchanged birthday cards every year.
My birthday is Halloween, and he always made it a point to give me a very cute and clever "Halloween Birthday card" each year...this past year he also gave me a bouquet of black silk roses, tipped in PURPLE GLITTER! *SIGH*...He was truly a man after-my-own-heart! He KNEW I thrive on glitter, and that I got such a huge kick out of having my birthday fall on Halloween...that he made sure to draw special attention to the things I loved the most.
For Ron's birthday, I always bought a card and passed it around to make sure that all of his surrogate-family/friends at the bar would sign it and write him a special little funny message.
When I put up my new 2008 calendar, I made sure to write all of my friend's birthdays on it...it is hard to believe that December 21st, when Ron's birthday again rolls around, that he will not be with us. :( ...That he will not be at our next Christmas party at the bar...one we hold each year to celebrate the season with our "bar-family"...a mid-week gathering with lots of food, drink and merriment, amid all of the hectic crush of the holiday season.
Ron was divorced, with a grown son and daughter living many states away, in Michigan. His children were slightly estranged from him...yet he was greatly surprised and touched when last Fall, his son called him and asked him to attend his wedding up in Michigan. I remember that Ron showed-up at the bar the weekend prior to that trip, with a brand-new haircut, and was proudly telling us all how his son had asked him to be a part of his special day.
The father in Ron was brimming with joy, and I was very happy to share his joy with him. When you are a lonely soul, moments such as that tend to envelop you...that warmth will carry you for quite some time.
After he returned, he was brimming with quiet happiness, and was eager to show me his photos from that day; pointing-out to me his children and their families.
This is how I learned about Ron...through bits and pieces, sporadically shared here and there.
Ron was not a big drinker...he had diabetes, as well as a heart condition I was unaware of. He usually just drank his customary 2 Diet Cokes (with 3 limes! :) each night...and then maybe he would do 1 shot of Cuervo...salt and lime! :) He would just do a shot once in a while, in order to be social...he or I would always make sure that a few of us would gather together, make a toast, and all do a shot together. That was our "thing"...our little "family ritual".
Ron was also struck-down earlier in life while working in D.C. He worked for the government, and one day when he was walking to his car in a government parking lot, he fell into an open man-hole/storm-drain-thing (I was never quite clear on all of that. The story was so utterly gruesome, I did not ask for a lot of details. I just let him share what he wanted, and listened...awe-struck and stunned.)
Apparently, he was stuck in that hole for hours...re-bar steel-piping had practically sliced his ENTIRE HEAD OFF. I am not exaggerating here...he had a gruesome scar from ear to ear, and around his neck.
I know that he was close to death at that time. He suffered YEARS of surgeries and rehabilitation...and was never able to work again. He was totally deaf in one ear, and his hands shook uncontrollably at times.
I can still see his hand painfully shaking, as he licked the back of his hand (at the crook of the hand, where the thumb meets the index finger)...then he would sprinkle salt on it in preparation to do his Cuervo shot. He was slightly embarrassed by this, and would sometimes voice a frustrated, "Aw, shit!"...as the salt shaker would topple over onto the marble-top of the bar.
Ron's favorite band was "METROPOLIS"!...my boyfriend's band...(my boyfriend, Boomer, is the drummer, and he is AMAZING!) Ron would follow Metropolis to all of their gigs. He would make sure that he called Boomer or me every week to get directions to their gigs...sometimes he would travel over an hour to get to where they were playing...just to spend time with the "boys in the band", drink his 2 Diet Cokes--with 3 limes...and maybe "smoke" a bit with the boys when they went on break.
After ever Friday and Saturday night, he would head off to either "Taco Bell" or "Del Taco" (24 hours!), and head-on home to the house he has lived in almost his entire life. He had bought his parents home, and he was taking care of his elderly mother there as well.
When I would return his calls--when he wanted directions to a gig--his mom would answer the phone, and she would yell out in her feeble, old-lady voice: "Ronnie! There's a girl on the phone for you!" ;) I would always giggle, because she was acting as if we were high school kids, and I was calling to potentially ask "Ronnie!" to the Prom. ;) I would laugh even harder when "Ronnie!" would come to the phone, I would tease him about that, and he would invariably say, "Aw, shit!" ;) And then, we BOTH would laugh some more. ;)
I last saw Ron on Saturday night...when Metropolis played at "my" bar. I am now eternally thankful that Metropolis was there for the past 2 weekends (Fridays and Saturdays, both.) They were not supposed to be there this past weekend...they were filling-in for another band who had lost their drummer.
So, we were blessed with Ron's presence for 2 extra nights...for that I am thankful. Every night after we closed, Ron, the band , and several other of the tight-knit group which follows Metropolis, would all hang-out at the bar....savoring not only that one last beer (which I would always pass-out for free ;), but we would be savoring that end-of-the-night conversation...
...the conversation that good friends can only have at 2 in the morning...when the residual effects of a great band--playing great music--is still ringing in your ears. Everyone is pumped from a fun night, and we are all reluctant to go our separate ways until the next weekend we are able to get together, and do it all again.
I continue to clean-up behind the bar, and begin to count-down and balance the 2 cash registers (as I pass-out the "freebies" ;)...and I listen to the multiple conversations going-on in clusters throughout the room.
In the midst of this, the parties eventually break apart and good-byes are said. Ron always made a point of addressing each person individually to say "goodbye"...and he would ALWAYS come up to where I was behind the bar, and tell me "goodnight". I would then give him my hand, which he always gallantly kissed the back of. I would then laugh, tell him to enjoy his "Del Taco"-run, and he would be on his way.
This past Saturday night, we went through our "ritual"...to which he said, "Del Taco is not 24-hours anymore...now they close at 11!" :(
He and I immediately said at the exact same time: "BASTARDS!" ;)
We both laughed at our similar train-of-thought, and I said that I would see him later...right after I reminded him to be at our house at 4pm for "Superbowl Sunday"...our annual Superbowl bash, where our entire dysfunctional-bar-family attends...a rare occasion to get everyone together OUTSIDE of that bar.
Ron always brought a little hostess gift to me at all of our parties (summer barbecues and football parties.) I was always so surprised and touched by his thoughtfulness. The thoughtfulness of a quiet, gentle man. A man who was slowly coming out of his self-induced solitude...to become a truly joyous and integral part of our "family".
Ron's presence will forever leave a vacant hole in my heart...in the hearts of all of those he ever touched. I am having a very difficult time wrapping my head around the fact that he will not be there this weekend, at the end of the bar..quietly sipping on his Diet Coke--with 3 limes...and just waiting for a lull in the music, so that he and I can exchange just a bit more of our "story" with each other.
I thought I had DECADES to yet learn his story, and for him to share in mine. It makes my heart weep to know that he is now GONE. That he will not be there. Not next weekend, not for Superbowl, not for any upcoming Summer barbecues...not for any wedding I may have in the future...not for ANYTHING.
I had always danced with Ron on his birthday...and I shall remember him that way. I will remember the joy he shared with all of us. I just hope that we were all able to share that much joy with him...that he was able to take our love with him.
***"REST-IN-PEACE, RON...GOD-SPEED!***
{To go to the Metropolis website and view some photos of Ron and the band:}
http://metropolis-stl.com/
No one will probably ever read this who even KNEW this man...and it is a shame that he will never be able to read my thoughts and feelings about him...but I have this burning need, simply DRIVING me to "put this out there"...to put what I am feeling at this moment out into the universe...to float up into the stars and dissipate...and maybe it will yet be able to touch the essence of the man that was such a special part of my life.
His name was Ron.
I met Ron at the bar I work at. It is a relatively small "Cheers"-type of bar...where "everyone DOES know your name." Ron was one of the customers who gently morphed into being such a special friend to everyone around him.
Most of the clientele are "regulars" who have been going to that bar for many of the 18 years it has been in business. Over this time, the regulars have gotten to know each other, as well as the staff...and we have developed a special kind of "family unit".
Let's face it...for the most part, people who hang-out in bars tend to do so for their own various, private reasons. However, it all basically boils-down to one thing: we are all simply lonely souls searching for others for human companionship, friendship, and fellowship.
No matter what kinds of problems that we all have, and whatever demons that haunt us (and from which we run)...those few hours each weekend-night brings us all together to enjoy a good band, share a drink or a shot with, and trade yet a few more snippets of our lives with each other.
So, after years spent together, years of sharing a shot or two, and years of sharing those snippets--which we either have to shout into each other's ears while the band is thumping-away, or we quickly trade anecdotes before the band tunes-up for another song--after years of all of this, we have thus all developed a tightly-knit bond of friendship...and of family.
Ron was a very kind, genuine soul. He was in his late 40's-mid 50's...who really know for sure? Exactly HOW old he was never seemed important...although what WAS important was the fact that we ALWAYS exchanged birthday cards every year.
My birthday is Halloween, and he always made it a point to give me a very cute and clever "Halloween Birthday card" each year...this past year he also gave me a bouquet of black silk roses, tipped in PURPLE GLITTER! *SIGH*...He was truly a man after-my-own-heart! He KNEW I thrive on glitter, and that I got such a huge kick out of having my birthday fall on Halloween...that he made sure to draw special attention to the things I loved the most.
For Ron's birthday, I always bought a card and passed it around to make sure that all of his surrogate-family/friends at the bar would sign it and write him a special little funny message.
When I put up my new 2008 calendar, I made sure to write all of my friend's birthdays on it...it is hard to believe that December 21st, when Ron's birthday again rolls around, that he will not be with us. :( ...That he will not be at our next Christmas party at the bar...one we hold each year to celebrate the season with our "bar-family"...a mid-week gathering with lots of food, drink and merriment, amid all of the hectic crush of the holiday season.
Ron was divorced, with a grown son and daughter living many states away, in Michigan. His children were slightly estranged from him...yet he was greatly surprised and touched when last Fall, his son called him and asked him to attend his wedding up in Michigan. I remember that Ron showed-up at the bar the weekend prior to that trip, with a brand-new haircut, and was proudly telling us all how his son had asked him to be a part of his special day.
The father in Ron was brimming with joy, and I was very happy to share his joy with him. When you are a lonely soul, moments such as that tend to envelop you...that warmth will carry you for quite some time.
After he returned, he was brimming with quiet happiness, and was eager to show me his photos from that day; pointing-out to me his children and their families.
This is how I learned about Ron...through bits and pieces, sporadically shared here and there.
Ron was not a big drinker...he had diabetes, as well as a heart condition I was unaware of. He usually just drank his customary 2 Diet Cokes (with 3 limes! :) each night...and then maybe he would do 1 shot of Cuervo...salt and lime! :) He would just do a shot once in a while, in order to be social...he or I would always make sure that a few of us would gather together, make a toast, and all do a shot together. That was our "thing"...our little "family ritual".
Ron was also struck-down earlier in life while working in D.C. He worked for the government, and one day when he was walking to his car in a government parking lot, he fell into an open man-hole/storm-drain-thing (I was never quite clear on all of that. The story was so utterly gruesome, I did not ask for a lot of details. I just let him share what he wanted, and listened...awe-struck and stunned.)
Apparently, he was stuck in that hole for hours...re-bar steel-piping had practically sliced his ENTIRE HEAD OFF. I am not exaggerating here...he had a gruesome scar from ear to ear, and around his neck.
I know that he was close to death at that time. He suffered YEARS of surgeries and rehabilitation...and was never able to work again. He was totally deaf in one ear, and his hands shook uncontrollably at times.
I can still see his hand painfully shaking, as he licked the back of his hand (at the crook of the hand, where the thumb meets the index finger)...then he would sprinkle salt on it in preparation to do his Cuervo shot. He was slightly embarrassed by this, and would sometimes voice a frustrated, "Aw, shit!"...as the salt shaker would topple over onto the marble-top of the bar.
Ron's favorite band was "METROPOLIS"!...my boyfriend's band...(my boyfriend, Boomer, is the drummer, and he is AMAZING!) Ron would follow Metropolis to all of their gigs. He would make sure that he called Boomer or me every week to get directions to their gigs...sometimes he would travel over an hour to get to where they were playing...just to spend time with the "boys in the band", drink his 2 Diet Cokes--with 3 limes...and maybe "smoke" a bit with the boys when they went on break.
After ever Friday and Saturday night, he would head off to either "Taco Bell" or "Del Taco" (24 hours!), and head-on home to the house he has lived in almost his entire life. He had bought his parents home, and he was taking care of his elderly mother there as well.
When I would return his calls--when he wanted directions to a gig--his mom would answer the phone, and she would yell out in her feeble, old-lady voice: "Ronnie! There's a girl on the phone for you!" ;) I would always giggle, because she was acting as if we were high school kids, and I was calling to potentially ask "Ronnie!" to the Prom. ;) I would laugh even harder when "Ronnie!" would come to the phone, I would tease him about that, and he would invariably say, "Aw, shit!" ;) And then, we BOTH would laugh some more. ;)
I last saw Ron on Saturday night...when Metropolis played at "my" bar. I am now eternally thankful that Metropolis was there for the past 2 weekends (Fridays and Saturdays, both.) They were not supposed to be there this past weekend...they were filling-in for another band who had lost their drummer.
So, we were blessed with Ron's presence for 2 extra nights...for that I am thankful. Every night after we closed, Ron, the band , and several other of the tight-knit group which follows Metropolis, would all hang-out at the bar....savoring not only that one last beer (which I would always pass-out for free ;), but we would be savoring that end-of-the-night conversation...
...the conversation that good friends can only have at 2 in the morning...when the residual effects of a great band--playing great music--is still ringing in your ears. Everyone is pumped from a fun night, and we are all reluctant to go our separate ways until the next weekend we are able to get together, and do it all again.
I continue to clean-up behind the bar, and begin to count-down and balance the 2 cash registers (as I pass-out the "freebies" ;)...and I listen to the multiple conversations going-on in clusters throughout the room.
In the midst of this, the parties eventually break apart and good-byes are said. Ron always made a point of addressing each person individually to say "goodbye"...and he would ALWAYS come up to where I was behind the bar, and tell me "goodnight". I would then give him my hand, which he always gallantly kissed the back of. I would then laugh, tell him to enjoy his "Del Taco"-run, and he would be on his way.
This past Saturday night, we went through our "ritual"...to which he said, "Del Taco is not 24-hours anymore...now they close at 11!" :(
He and I immediately said at the exact same time: "BASTARDS!" ;)
We both laughed at our similar train-of-thought, and I said that I would see him later...right after I reminded him to be at our house at 4pm for "Superbowl Sunday"...our annual Superbowl bash, where our entire dysfunctional-bar-family attends...a rare occasion to get everyone together OUTSIDE of that bar.
Ron always brought a little hostess gift to me at all of our parties (summer barbecues and football parties.) I was always so surprised and touched by his thoughtfulness. The thoughtfulness of a quiet, gentle man. A man who was slowly coming out of his self-induced solitude...to become a truly joyous and integral part of our "family".
Ron's presence will forever leave a vacant hole in my heart...in the hearts of all of those he ever touched. I am having a very difficult time wrapping my head around the fact that he will not be there this weekend, at the end of the bar..quietly sipping on his Diet Coke--with 3 limes...and just waiting for a lull in the music, so that he and I can exchange just a bit more of our "story" with each other.
I thought I had DECADES to yet learn his story, and for him to share in mine. It makes my heart weep to know that he is now GONE. That he will not be there. Not next weekend, not for Superbowl, not for any upcoming Summer barbecues...not for any wedding I may have in the future...not for ANYTHING.
I had always danced with Ron on his birthday...and I shall remember him that way. I will remember the joy he shared with all of us. I just hope that we were all able to share that much joy with him...that he was able to take our love with him.
***"REST-IN-PEACE, RON...GOD-SPEED!***
{To go to the Metropolis website and view some photos of Ron and the band:}
http://metropolis-stl.com/
6 comments:
Ron would be amazed at how clearly you could describe him and at how you remember him, Snow. You're the right person to write about the little details of life.. and the tributes to the people that flow in and out of yours.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.
Snow, I am so sorry that you lost your wonderful friend.
There is no doubt in my mind that he is reading your beautiful tribute from his special place in heaven and reveling in your very special friendship.
You have my condolences, my friend.
Joan
I'm sorry for your loss. :(
beautiful.
kim
Hey, I got you added to my blogroll. :)
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Your tribute to him, and the love of a friend is written so well. May he rest in peace.
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